i was just at the corner bodega buying a Sunday sort of pack of cigarettes and the woman in front of me who had just purchased a sandwich and a toothbrush added a lottery ticket on to her purchases at the last minute. she yelled out numbers, i think they were 854 and 50 and 50. the way she said it went “854, 50/50″ or at least that’s the way i visualized it in my head. i never play the lottery and was mystified by this process. was this a type of ticket? was this her number pick? did these numbers hold any relevance in her life? like she was born at 8:54 in the morning and did she like the soda 50/50? isn’t there a soda named 50/50? i kept thinking about this as the clerk who had clearly done this before and knew what to do with that information went to the lotto machine and he asked, “850?” and she replied “no no 854…or wait, did you say 850? yeah go with 850. 850. go with that.” she muttered something about it maybe being a good luck charm like it was meant to be that he made the mistake and maybe it was God or fate or some higher being trying to tell her something. the clerk wished her good luck as he handed her the ticket. i thought that was pretty cool and wondered if she was going to win. i was watching TV a few years back and a guy i used to date in my early twenties was an actor on one of those lucky lotto commercials, the one with the cartoon like character that has a big head. he was really sweet and had once bought us tickets to go to the opera and the night of i didn’t pull it together on time and was an hour late to pick him up. we missed the opera and ended up drinking Rolling Rocks and dosing on Robotussin in his apartment all night long. no one has taken me to the opera since.
it’s interesting, nowadays i feel that i have the most fun when i am writing this blog.

i first saw these stockings in a book i recently purchased titled Design Behind Desire and after some searching — well, actually i didn’t lift a finger and had my submissive do all the dirty work — found out they were made by Lake and Stars so i went to their site and holy fuck me i love their lingerie and the way they have their design photographed, really outside the box style like mixing muddy tungsten lighting with grey panties, and the models are really unique and i just think they are genius and then i read their blog and it’s super cool so check it out — Lake and Stars Blog
i am now blogging for self proclaimed and couldn’t have said it better myself “Art, Porn, Culture” website The Darling House which is filled to the brim with smart sexy writings and photography, founded by Joshua Darling co-founded by super siren Sovereign Eye. the site is still in beta testing, full launch soon.
through them i was introduced to Dr. Anna B Volk, and i spent a good portion of yesterday reading her blog The Bee Writer where she intellectualizes porn and everything that falls under it. amazing writing that is approachable, she has a lot to say and says it well. and speaking of porn, if this gem were a shoe it would need to be resoled often that’s how much footing it gets on my laptop screen- really good lesbian porn. god bless Georgia Jones and Samantha Ryan. slammin.
and when i wasn’t watching porn or reading about it, i had my friend Axe’s podcast Masocast playing. funny thoughtful interviews with Mistress Veronica, Miss Mona Rogers, and Mistress Alex, amongst others, about their lives in the kink world zombies and everything in between. my girl Sade Ami is there often, chiming in with her thoughts. entertainment city.
okay, back to lusting over hot panties on hot chicks and wishing they were both on my lap.

i only took one photograph the first time i went to Paris. Mel and i were eating at this fabulous little bistro in the Latin quarter and she saw the Taschen store from our table, i thought this was coolest thing and we made a plan to come back first thing in the morning which turned into first thing in the afternoon but nevermind all that we went into the shop and across the room in back there it sat, the biggest hugest monster of a book i had ever come across. it must have weighed about forty pounds and it was Tom of Finland, god it was sexy. i opened it up and laid it out on the table. it was an illustration spread of about five muscular men with cocks bigger than Jesus in a forest watching as a naked man tied to a tree got his ass whipped. the man holding the whip had a cigarette dangling from his half smile. i had never been so turned on by a drawing before, i didn’t even know it was possible. the reflection of the store window hit the page in a way that made the work glow and i had a silent little moment right then and there. a few days later in Le Marais we stumbled upon a wall with a huge Tom of Finland drawing and text about an art opening. needless to say this piqued my curiosity and i went to the wall and then i noticed a door and then i opened the door which was very heavy and i only got it about four inches and it closed with a thud but before it did i saw a red glow and heard a dull thumping of electronic music from inside and i looked back at Mel with an Alice in Wonderland sort of smile and i attempted to open the door again and the same thing happened and i knew that i needed to be in there and third times a charm and this time it opened all the way and there i was standing in the front door of this amazing gay bdsm boutique filled with all sorts of masks and hoods not unlike the one in this image and i felt kid in a candy store, a french candy store, and that night i thought about how life is filled with these precious little moments that add up and become an experience and how magical the whole thing is.