i love dominatrixes. always have. i love that they wear latex knee high stockings and leather bras. i love that they’re in control. i love that i can name four pro domes off the top of my head who are getting their masters or PhD and i love that they are some of the most intelligent women i have ever met. i love that they take the art so seriously. i love that they skill themselves to be masters at whip throwing and bondage and piercing and can be cruel as fuck and so compassionate in the same breath, which is a skill within itself. i love that they own their shit. today i visited Sade at the Parthenon during a session. her foot was deep inside of his mouth when i walked in. after she slipped it out her toes were wet and slick and shiny with nails painted lavender. they looked like candy. she had just finished taking the skewers out of his cock and was getting ready to paint with his blood. she had started working on a piece a gift for me, had written out text on canvas and was going to color the letters in red. he was a good looking man with lots of good looking hair and their was a pleasantness wafting in the room and i got out my camera and she told him to fluff himself after she tied cord around his cock and balls and he did and once his cock was hard she got in front of him with a needle and pierced into the side of it and held a plastic cup up to catch the thin stream of liquid. he didn’t make too much noise throughout maybe a slight grunt when the needle touched down and i watched as the cup slowly filled up and none of this was disturbing or gross to me simply fascinating and Sade looked at me with that Sade smile and his eyes were closed and he looked relaxed and content. once the cup runneth half way full she dipped her paintbrush in and started in on the canvas. this went on for three different pieces and at one point she ran out and he had to fluff himself again with lotion and it turned a creamy mauve once it mixed with the blood and then she pierced him again this time he gave more of a yell and we laughed and he laughed and it was all so fucking goddam enjoyable and then she carried on and used the coagulated blood at the bottom of the cup in a sponge paint sort of a way and she’d throw a glob onto canvas and it stuck like a leech and then she’d take it away and the effect was lovely and pleasant conversation flowed throughout from us from him just three people hanging out in a room one bleeding one painting with his blood and one photographing the process. it was such a healthy sexy kink experience and made me remember what it has always been about for me. because sometimes we lose our way or lose ourselves and forget. i feel revived.
the sea foam green building looked edible and Sade said it reminded her of Jordan almonds and i went straight to pistachio in my mind like the ice cream. there’s been a cockroach lying on it’s back, a big guy, in my hallway right in front of my shoe rack. earlier today before the gardening i tried to sweep it up for the trashcan and as soon as the broom touched it the legs started moving around frantically and these things are just brown and disgusting and i couldn’t rouse the courage to sweep it into the dustpan and watch it wiggle around during transportation. and i would, without a doubt, look because that’s what people do when carrying half dead bugs twenty seven inches from their face. they look. sometimes after that we were at the garden store surrounded by nature and came across these pale yellow flowers that looked like a seventies prom dress think Carrie and i bought them along with a Passion Flower plant and some other pretties. we got our hands deep into the soil once in the backyard and it felt like scwooshing warm chocolate cake with your fingers and i love the smell of soil and the texture if i came across a bug in the dirt i wouldn’t blink an eye its just different for some reason to find a living creature amongst nature as opposed to finding one that lives off city garbage in front of your rainboots. she found an earthworm on the ground and brought over to the tomato plants to live. it reminds me a bit of the forest and i find it comforting because i love being in the woods they’re like my kinda place so urban and busy and bustling and birds commuting and the tall trees are skyscrapers and the little ones are townhomes and the patches of sun through the branches and so quiet yet so loud in its own nature city way thriving on and within itself. next week we decide that i will bring all of my shoes over to her place and we’ll have a shoe fetish photo shoot trying on all the pairs of heels spiky and sparkly and sharp and skyscraper and strappy and taking pictures of one another. we wrap up the evening with a story about her last session and she talked about the submissive’s smooth soft ass and how he must lotion himself after every shower it is very well kept and how by the end of it his ass felt like leather.
it takes a while to get going, but eventually his hand ends up behind her head holding her hair from the crown to the lowest slope it is wrapped around his fingers which are closed tight. he holds it back enough for her head to tilt slightly which causes her lower lip to puff and drop open the slightest degrees but enough to see the reflection of the lamp on her lower front tooth and it glistens in the warmth. this makes her breaths shallow and closer together because it excites her and she drops her tongue just enough to top the tip of the lip and he pulls her hair back confidently adding just a quick tiny tug which sends small sharp pain vibrations up her skull and as he pulls her head down more he comes in closer so their lips are so close almost touching and this makes her want to lick them but she wants him to make all the moves so he gets the message that he is in control. he pulls her head down further and this makes her cry out quietly and she gets more excited keeping her hands limp by her hips letting him know that she is fully in his hands and with his right one he runs his finger over the wet tooth and wet tongue and ends on the wet lips and leans in more and whispers one word into her mouth. Mine.
when i see them, i visualize very sheer kind of silky black panty hose attached and no bra and i’m not sure which sort of heels but heels for certain and i question would i be shaved for such delicate fabric? rubbing softly against my skin whenever i move and then i decide to keep the hair and let its fullness be seen through the mesh and some will poke through the panties and it keeps it a secret a pretty secret for a very select few if any maybe just keep it a secret and the color is so creamy and i really want to slip into them and feel them sliding up my leg and thigh over and on my hips the clasps of the garters landing gentle and cold on my thigh skin and i want to try them on in one of those soft floral affluent dressing rooms and a fair maiden comes to tend helping me clasp the hooks on the stockings kneeling to my right and she’s in a milk maid’s outfit and it goes to good places from there. so i buy them and wonder whether i will ever make that happen. tonight i’m eating popcorn for dinner.
feeling underwhelmed today. this memory helps.
Kneel slave, Kneel
Heel slave, Heel
Follow slave, Follow
Wallow slave, Wallow.
on our way back from brunch on the train back to their place we watched a little girl holding on to a flower which we thought was plastic until the petals started dropping to the floor red ones and there were Swatch advertisements everywhere and my mind was already in the near future with all of it’s endless possibilities and then in the future three lit cigarettes naked by the blue light satisfied and relaxed we reflected on the not so distant past and our favorite parts.
this is the hottest album cover i have ever seen. right after highschool i had this job for a company where we would go around and take inventory in retail venues such as Kohl’s and Kmart and Handy Andy hardware stores and the latter was the worst because we would have to count bucket after bucket of little screws and knobs and rust colored odd shaped objects like hundreds or thousands of these things and it was endless and we had these little calculator like machines we would strap around our powder blue smocks to take count we would be there for hours on our knees on ladders on our tippie toes to reach the merchandise counting away. i was doing a lot of acid and raving back then and jobs would often be early Sunday morning so i would show up in uniform with pupils the size of space crafts and remnants of glitter on my face burping up whatever the LSD had been cut with all day. i was young, the bounce back was easy. my favorite stores to inventory were CD shops which were usually in the mall. we started work after the shop closed and were never there more than two hours because counting flat square objects was a breeze and i was really entertained by the CD covers and this is when i came across Type O Negative’s Bloody Kisses image and i was probably stoned which has always been an aphrodisiac and i got so turned on by it i hid the CD in its big plastic security case under my smock and took it with me to the bathroom so i could rub one out really quick which i could do quite easily like i mentioned before i have this technique and then return it to it’s home and i never bought the CD i never heard the music it wasn’t important to me i just loved that image two women face to face close up looking like they’re about to cum or really into whatever the fuck was going on down below and i wanted that to be grinding of some sort and i really really really wished i was not counting headphones at a music store in the mall and instead doing what they were doing that i could jump into that scene and be one of them in their state of heat and hunger and live that moment and be that uninhibited and last night i did.
what will happen…we lay next to each other on my bed. i tell you to come closer which you do and then i make you spread your legs while i do the same. you’re wearing a dress and i tell you to pull it up which you do and you’re not wearing a bra but these little black thong panties and this gets me hot because i really like your sweet little tits and i really want to start licking the right one but i hold back which isn’t easy and i pull up my own skirt and start to touch myself and tell you to do the same which you do and then i put my arm around you and turn my head towards yours and we start to kiss and its with hot heavy breaths and then i lean back and look down and watch your fingers move in a circle underneath your panties and i pull mine to the side so you have a better view of me and this makes both of us moan and i like the sound of yours a lot i remember it from before and we spend some time touching ourselves and watching each other do so and soon we are kissing again no more like licking each others lips and i simulate other deeds on your mouth with my tongue and you are really fucking wet and there is a mirror in front of us and i tell you to watch me through it and i do the same to you and eyebrows stitch and mouths form surprised O’s and eyes roll back and cheeks flush and all inhibitions are gone and its taking everything in me to not get on top and grind all over you and thinking about that makes me lose it while you do the same and i think about dipping french fries into white wine and garlic broth and how mussels remind me of fairy clits.
you know i have always enjoyed folding my hands over my lap, its a silent movement which makes it graceful and calm and reminds me of a female ninja. i hung out with my friend Jan today and he told me in his words that women are more spankable in flats than in heels. he loves flats. he also loves frumpy knickers, especially white ones, and bobby socks and tennis shoes, the ones you have to tie up. last Sunday i went to my mother’s church with her for service and there was a girl around eleven in a big wheelchair with it’s back to me and the chair was so big i couldn’t see any of her body even when i shifted around just the big black back of a chair and two thin feet on the metal footrest and they were in sparkly ballet flats and the sequins were many colors like blue and lime green and orange and dark pink and the first word that came to my mind was Optimism and then we stood up and Pledged Allegiance to Our Flag.
