i love dominatrixes. always have. i love that they wear latex knee high stockings and leather bras. i love that they’re in control. i love that i can name four pro domes off the top of my head who are getting their masters or PhD and i love that they are some of the most intelligent women i have ever met. i love that they take the art so seriously. i love that they skill themselves to be masters at whip throwing and bondage and piercing and can be cruel as fuck and so compassionate in the same breath, which is a skill within itself. i love that they own their shit. today i visited Sade at the Parthenon during a session. her foot was deep inside of his mouth when i walked in. after she slipped it out her toes were wet and slick and shiny with nails painted lavender. they looked like candy. she had just finished taking the skewers out of his cock and was getting ready to paint with his blood. she had started working on a piece a gift for me, had written out text on canvas and was going to color the letters in red. he was a good looking man with lots of good looking hair and their was a pleasantness wafting in the room and i got out my camera and she told him to fluff himself after she tied cord around his cock and balls and he did and once his cock was hard she got in front of him with a needle and pierced into the side of it and held a plastic cup up to catch the thin stream of liquid. he didn’t make too much noise throughout maybe a slight grunt when the needle touched down and i watched as the cup slowly filled up and none of this was disturbing or gross to me simply fascinating and Sade looked at me with that Sade smile and his eyes were closed and he looked relaxed and content. once the cup runneth half way full she dipped her paintbrush in and started in on the canvas. this went on for three different pieces and at one point she ran out and he had to fluff himself again with lotion and it turned a creamy mauve once it mixed with the blood and then she pierced him again this time he gave more of a yell and we laughed and he laughed and it was all so fucking goddam enjoyable and then she carried on and used the coagulated blood at the bottom of the cup in a sponge paint sort of a way and she’d throw a glob onto canvas and it stuck like a leech and then she’d take it away and the effect was lovely and pleasant conversation flowed throughout from us from him just three people hanging out in a room one bleeding one painting with his blood and one photographing the process. it was such a healthy sexy kink experience and made me remember what it has always been about for me. because sometimes we lose our way or lose ourselves and forget. i feel revived.

we walked around the city all day drinking coffee and reclaiming. he brought pie.

the sea foam green building looked edible and Sade said it reminded her of Jordan almonds and i went straight to pistachio in my mind like the ice cream. there’s been a cockroach lying on it’s back, a big guy, in my hallway right in front of my shoe rack. earlier today before the gardening i tried to sweep it up for the trashcan and as soon as the broom touched it the legs started moving around frantically and these things are just brown and disgusting and i couldn’t rouse the courage to sweep it into the dustpan and watch it wiggle around during transportation. and i would, without a doubt, look because that’s what people do when carrying half dead bugs twenty seven inches from their face. they look. sometimes after that we were at the garden store surrounded by nature and came across these pale yellow flowers that looked like a seventies prom dress think Carrie and i bought them along with a Passion Flower plant and some other pretties. we got our hands deep into the soil once in the backyard and it felt like scwooshing warm chocolate cake with your fingers and i love the smell of soil and the texture if i came across a bug in the dirt i wouldn’t blink an eye its just different for some reason to find a living creature amongst nature as opposed to finding one that lives off city garbage in front of your rainboots. she found an earthworm on the ground and brought over to the tomato plants to live. it reminds me a bit of the forest and i find it comforting because i love being in the woods they’re like my kinda place so urban and busy and bustling and birds commuting and the tall trees are skyscrapers and the little ones are townhomes and the patches of sun through the branches and so quiet yet so loud in its own nature city way thriving on and within itself. next week we decide that i will bring all of my shoes over to her place and we’ll have a shoe fetish photo shoot trying on all the pairs of heels spiky and sparkly and sharp and skyscraper and strappy and taking pictures of one another. we wrap up the evening with a story about her last session and she talked about the submissive’s smooth soft ass and how he must lotion himself after every shower it is very well kept and how by the end of it his ass felt like leather.

suffering is an interesting thing and i have found quite recently that it is usually self imposed and life is way cooler without it and i’m on the plane listening to Madonna’s Borderline having mixed feelings about this cup of coffee i’m drinking i don’t do milk or cream and soy is bad for you so its black and watery and i just looked inside and there are white foamy bits floating on top but i’ll drink it anyway. i rode a handlebar mustache the other day and it didn’t occur to me that i could grab onto the handles until after the fact and i’ll try that next time and the sheets were sweaty and i smelled the sex on my pillow when i went to bed and the other night after the opening after the friends after the round table discussion i ended up in an apartment with loud electronic music at two in the morning and it went nowhere i think mainly because shy turns me off and i didn’t even know that but its been a while since i’ve been here and i feel like Carrie Fucking Bradshaw which both horrifies and entertains me and i just asked for bloody mary mix from a can because its spicier than tomato juice and they don’t have tabasco and i forgot to shake well before i opened and all the good stuff is at the bottom so i am drinking it fast to get to the best part because i like instant gratification but this gives me a sour stomach and heartburn and it feels like a big fat metaphor for a lot of things so i’m going to sit back and think about that now. vanilla ice cream is pretty boring unless it’s Haagen Dazs with the black cherries kind.

Kneel slave, Kneel

Heel slave, Heel

Follow slave, Follow

Wallow slave, Wallow.

on our way back from brunch on the train back to their place we watched a little girl holding on to a flower which we thought was plastic until the petals started dropping to the floor red ones and there were Swatch advertisements everywhere and my mind was already in the near future with all of it’s endless possibilities and then in the future three lit cigarettes naked by the blue light satisfied and relaxed we reflected on the not so distant past and our favorite parts.

what will happen…we lay next to each other on my bed. i tell you to come closer which you do and then i make you spread your legs while i do the same. you’re wearing a dress and i tell you to pull it up which you do and you’re not wearing a bra but these little black thong panties and this gets me hot because i really like your sweet little tits and i really want to start licking the right one but i hold back which isn’t easy and i pull up my own skirt and start to touch myself and tell you to do the same which you do and then i put my arm around you and turn my head towards yours and we start to kiss and its with hot heavy breaths and then i lean back and look down and watch your fingers move in a circle underneath your panties and i pull mine to the side so you have a better view of me and this makes both of us moan and i like the sound of yours a lot i remember it from before and we spend some time touching ourselves and watching each other do so and soon we are kissing again no more like licking each others lips and i simulate other deeds on your mouth with my tongue and you are really fucking wet and there is a mirror in front of us and i tell you to watch me through it and i do the same to you and eyebrows stitch and mouths form surprised O’s and eyes roll back and cheeks flush and all inhibitions are gone and its taking everything in me to not get on top and grind all over you and thinking about that makes me lose it while you do the same and i think about dipping french fries into white wine and garlic broth and how mussels remind me of fairy clits.

in the heat of the night
the moment so right
the look in his eyes
bore a new light
the question at bay
could tonight be the night?
will you give up the fight?
Give up that sweet tight
Ass
mother nature has come
the blood flows so strong
second day is the worst
too much of a mess
if i stick my cock in
the blood gives me stress
but i’m just so turned on
i can’t bear to think
of not fucking something
i must stick in pink
Ease it in
Yeah that’s it
Lots of lube
lots of spit
Easy does it
Just the tip
In and out
Slow and steady
A little deeper
That hole’s ready
Getting loose
Just relax
Take deep breaths
fuck that ass
fuck it wet
fuck it hairy
virgin style
pop that cherry
anal cherry
spit the pit
use my fingers on your clit
and your pussy
fuck you double
penetration
quite an occasion
porn star class
I’m gonna cum
In your sweet tight
Ass.

we went to the Russian Bathhouse on 10th street later in the afternoon. that place is filled to the brim with writing material. i like to start out in the hottest room and hate that i have to rinse off beforehand and usually don’t. i like to be dry as a bone going in and feel myself start to perspire and sweat, watch the beads form. its a really interesting sensation. one minute you’re not wet and four later you are. its hard to breathe in the room and its made of stone and there’s always a guy wearing a wet towel as a hat beating some dude with a soapy branch of sorts and people are dumping buckets of cold water over their heads. my favorite room is unreasonably hot as well but smaller and wooden so its easier to sit down. after about seven minutes it comes to the point where i can barely take it and there is a cold shower which is not unlike liquid ice and feels like pinpricks all over your body its just fucking unreal and its like there is no middle ground you are either really hot and panting or freezing water is pouring on you and its like putting too much wasabi in your mouth and holding it there. a total mindfuck and intense and awesome.